Returns

[inordertobelieve]

[ There is something strange about remaining after his class. For the last months, he's always headed straight home after class and he'd almost feel lazy remaining sitting on a bench know if he didn't know what and who he's waiting for.

He's known Light would finally come back for weeks now, but it's hard to believe him just walking down the path towards him again. The last time that has happened seems so long ago....

They're finally back on the right path completely. Teru has no reason to be nervous about this, but maybe 'nervous' is not the right word for it so much as 'excited'.

Against habit, he does not keep his head bowed as he sits and instead actively looks out for his boyfriend. ]

Comments

[arbiter]

...Put like that we sound insufferably dull.

[Far from it.]

[inordertobelieve]

There's no issue with dullness as long as it has relevance, is there?

Though I couldn't imagine anything less dull than improving the world we live in.

[arbiter]

There isn't.

[A beat and Light meets Teru's eyes briefly. That's why I chose you.]

[inordertobelieve]

[ I missed having you here so much. For Teru, Light's presence fills up the whole university space with purpose somehow. ]

Then the judgement of others can be irrelevant to us.

[arbiter]

That's always been true, hasn't it?

[It's a softer toned question and Light looks down at Teru's hands. A year ago this would have been unthinkable and yet...

Light reaches forward and pauses.]

Can I?

[inordertobelieve]

[ Out of instinct Teru almost would have asked 'is that alright' but he remembers soon enough that he has no reason to question God. If Light wants to hold hands, then... ]

O-of course.

[ It comes out a little unsteady. Teru hasn't felt like anything was lacking with their relationship in the hidden and he still doesn't feel the need to boast about being taken, but there is something thrilling about walking together with Light in public, unashamed. ]

[arbiter]

[A moment of hesitation ticks by in silence before Light connects their hands, palm to palm. That sensation is far from new, but in broad daylight in the middle of a university campus it feels for whatever reason - new. He breathes out, after the vague half-expectation everyone to stare in horror passes.]

Let's stay outside for a little longer. It's nice today.

[inordertobelieve]

[ Teru closes his hand around Light's - it's exciting to be able to do, but feels strangely awkward in practice. Everyone around them could be looking... Teru tells himself he wouldn't mind that, of course. But they aren't looking either way, they're busy with their own books and friends.

Teru decides to look at Light instead of them. ]

Yes, let's. Where do you want to go?

[ It's a celebratory break of plan. Probably. ]

[arbiter]

[Light brushes his thumb over the back of Teru's hand. The act feels more natural than it would have a year ago when he was under constant scrutiny. Now it's a different kind of scrutiny - one that doesn't have a solution as simple as writing a name. But he doesn't have a choice but to bear with it anyway.]

I'll leave that up to you. You theoretically know what's around campus better than I do, after all.

[A pause.]

We don't have to keep holding hands all the way to wherever we're going. I just wanted to try it... for once.

[inordertobelieve]

Mhm. Let's stay like this for a few more steps at least.

[ Or maybe a few more than that even? So far it seems surprisingly easy to do.

For a moment, Teru enters a state of musing where to go. He never exactly lingers long on campus so naming good spots is not easy for him either. ]

Let's just head down to the lake for a bit, then? It should be pretty quiet around this time of day.

[arbiter]

Sounds good to me.

[On both counts, though he doesn't specify that.]

We haven't done anything like this in a while. [Because a lot of unpleasant things happened.]

I'm looking forward to it.

[inordertobelieve]

[ Teru tightens his grip on Light's hand at that. ]

So am I. It's a celebration then.

[ Saying that word, something else seems to occur to him. ]

We should buy something nice for dinner after we've left the park as well. It wouldn't seem complete if we didn't make the whole afternoon special in some way.

[arbiter]

Eh?

[The word is so heavily at odds with what Light had been thinking that he's visibly caught off guard by the suggestion. But he'd be lying if he said he wasn't touched by the thought of it as such.]

That's a bit much for something as simple as going back to school, isn't it....

[Simple. As if it hadn't been a struggle to fight for this kind of normalcy. Light squeezes Teru's hand. Thank you.]

[inordertobelieve]

However, we've waited long for this moment. It's worth at the least this much to me.

[ Not like taking a walk and making a nice dish are truly exceptional acts for most people, Teru is dimly aware. ]

What do you feel like?

[arbiter]

[Light ponders the question a he begins to walk. This feels stranger somehow, walking side by side and hand in hand, as though they were any other normal couple in university. But something like this Light feels like they've earned.]

Unagidon.

[A side glance.]

If you're going to insist. You're right though, it finally feels as though everything is back on track like this.

[inordertobelieve]

I am going to insist, yes.

[ Teru is certainly a man who sticks to his choices when he's made them. ]

I've been confident about things going the right way for a while now, but now it's more than just my faith, it's a tangible step. I am happy about it.

[arbiter]

[A beat of silence.]

You know, you never did tell me what finding out the truth was like and because of how buy it was between Rem's return and m taking over the investigation, I haven't had the chance to ask.

[inordertobelieve]

[ Oh... somehow Teru hadn't expected this to ever come back up again and he does go quiet himself for a moment trying to recall the exact feelings. They've luckily left the main campus by now so he feels he can speak more freely. ]

I can't say it was a revelation, because I was praying all along for the moment to be coming, but when I knew for sure... I was relieved and then knew I didn't have reason to be relieved.

[ He actually breaks out into a smile again as he says this. ]

After all I believed in you and trusted you all along. I can't remember another time I've been quite as happy as that specific night.

I'm happy still, of course, but that was... an incredible feeling.

[arbiter]

[This onl reaffirms what Light already knew of course, but seeing Teru contented and happy is deeply endearing. Not quite willing to betray just how endearing it is to him, Light keeps his eyes on the street and fractionally tightens his grip on Teru's hand.]

What gave it away anyway? My disappearance or something even before that? I'd hate to think it was all that transparent.

[inordertobelieve]

I didn't seriously suspect it before the disappearance. I thought you were acting strange, but none of it ever quite clicked before that.

Afterwards the thought was impossible to ignore.

[ He breathes in deeply, looking over the lake that is now within their sight. ]

So I never quite lost sight of it.

[arbiter]

[Brief silence as Light quietly takes in the park. It isn't crowded today, but all the same he can feel the downward glances of strangers looking at his and Teru's hands.]

So that's what you were holding onto, huh....

[A pause as they make their way closer to the water.]

It's ironic. That would've been unforgivable back then.

[inordertobelieve]

[ ... of course Teru knew that, but it makes him go silent as well. He's quiet until they're finally pausing to look at the lake. ]

.... I knew that, of course.

[ He breathes out a gentle sigh and finally turns back to look at Light. ]

That scared me more than anything. I wanted to believe you and... to believe in you.

[ Briefly he glances around to make sure nobody is closeby before silently speaking the next words. ]

I loved you anyway though. All along.

[arbiter]

[A vague chill runs down Light's spine as Teru whispers. It's an inappropriate reaction to have in public, and not even staring at their warped reflections on the lake surface, widening and narrowing as koi swim past, quite banishes the warmth that takes its place. He ought to be annoyed that admissions of love could still be meaningful months later, but the reality is that he isn't annoyed at all.]

I was scared, too. [Equally quietly.]

I knew no matter how much I loved you, it wouldn't be enough.

[inordertobelieve]

[ Teru swallows at that, uncertain how to answer. If he were at home, he'd kiss Light here. Easy physical reassurances of their bond that have long become second nature. ]

It's bitter that I was so torn between my feelings for you and my loyalty to you. I was going to choose you either way, but both choices would have been wrong.

[ It feels strange to admit that after he has suppressed the need of choosing or acknowledging the existence of a dilemma for so long. ]

... but in the end, it was enough. We made it.

[ And he knows that to be right but he'd still like to hear Light repeat it. ]

[arbiter]

Mm.

[Light looks back down at the water, brow creased slightly. If they were at home, it would have been alright to verbalize the question but if we hadn't, would we still be talking to each other like we are now?

The invitation to slide down more morose paths is right before Light's eyes as he contemplates his own answer briefly. But in the end, it's not the speculation that matters, but the actual outcome. They're standing side by side, hand in hand at the park on the first day of classes. Today is supposed to be a good day and it should stay that way.]

I'm glad for that.

[A beat, and Light speaks a touch more brightly.]

I need you now more than ever.