inordertobelieve

[ Teru is relieved to find the conversation drifting away from the past - he never liked willingly lingering on that, though unwillingly it is in his thoughts at all times. ]

You can always count on me.

[ But then he gives a questioning look. ]

How can I support you more?

[ He already does a lot and he is not averse to doing more but he also doesn't quite see what and when he could feasibly do anymore. ]

[In response, Light releases Teru's hand and turns it palm side up. Discreetly he carefully writes three hiragana with his finger. Sa-ba-ki]

[ ... ah.

He somehow in the back of his mind expected this, no, hoped for it, but it felt presumptuous to assume God would share his most important and divine task. And Teru wanted it, he wanted to help, do everything he possibly could to help create this world with his own hands... He thinks he'd have been satisfied just supporting Light from the side. Truly. But this....

His face lights up as he understands and once Light lets go of his hand, he can't help place if over his own heart. ]

As you wish... I'll gladly do all within my power for your goal.

[Light takes in Teru's delight and smiles fractionally.]

Our goal.

That sounds nice...

[ Naming himself in one breath with God, not only in mundane existence but also in all the divine ways.... ]

And it's true. You knew from the moment we met how much I want this, too.

[The exaggeration doesn't get a free pass, though it's more amusing than anything else. Light raises an eyebrow.]

Are you suggesting this is destiny?

Ah, no...

Not exactly.

[ Congrats, his expression normalizes here. ]

But I do think we deserved it.

[The amusement fades from Light's face as he shifts eye contact away from his boyfriend. He stays quiet longer this time, each thought he has bleeding into another one on what it even means to deserve the opportunity, and the prices paid. It's a closed matter, and time spent thinking about how things could've gone differently is time wasted. All the same, there's a touch of bitterness as Light looks back at Teru.

That's easy for you to say.

It isn't an entirely fair thought as Teru had his own struggles to deal with, and in the end... deserving each other and deserving the chance to make a better world together does feel right regardless of everything that happened to get here. Any other thoughts would simply be... projection.]

A lot happened, yeah.

[A forced smile.]

Let's walk.

[ The smile makes Teru hesitate. Though his mood is fantastic, it's hard to not notice when something is off about Light. They may not have been together for an eternity, but they are more familiar than most people are. ]

...yes, let's.

I look forward to our future most of all now. It does seem dream-like to be able to help create it. You know I am eternally grateful to you already, but there is no way of expressing it that would quite convey it either.

[He starts walking down the paved path going around the perimeter of the lake towards the pagoda at a pace that's neither brisk nor relaxed. Now that they're no holding hands, Light slips his hands in his pockets. He keeps his eyes on the path as Teru speaks, half listening, half stuck in hypotheticals. Even so, he can see that Teru is trying to keep him upbeat, and quietly Light appreciates it. Perhaps more than he'd be willing to admit.]

You're supposed to be a lawyer, Teru.

[Glancing over, there's a brief look of affection and a softer tone.]

What do you have when you don't have words, huh?

...for you, I have silent actions as well.

[ Like murdering people. Making dinner. Kisses. All very useful stuff. ]

Becoming a lawyer may be my goal, but I have more uses than just that.

I wouldn't have thought so when we first met, truth be told.

... I was young and withdrawn then.

[ Which is why he just didn't count this into their meetings at all. But he can't be mad about Light saying something more factually right instead of metaphorically fitting. ]

I doubt anyone at school really knew me.

[Implying you're old and outgoing now...? Light shakes his head to hiimself.]

Probably not. [A pause.] It really surprised me that you even agreed to date in the first place all things considered.

[ This is odd to think about now, considering how much his feelings for Light have changed and intensified. But unlike minutes earlier when he was speaking in euphoric euphemisms, he is willing to take this seriously this time. ]

You deeply impressed me in our conversation then. I almost felt like I had won an ally and the kiss... put a seal on already confused feelings. I was not very used to allies at the time.

[Wallking pace slows a touch as they speak.]

Were you actually comfortable though?

I was cautious to be. But yes. I enjoyed the time spent with you from the start.

[There isn't anyone around to overhear, but Light still speaks even more quietly than before.]

Including that first time you asked me over to your apartment?

[ And there it is. This time it's Teru's turn to drop the pace even more, almost coming to a halt momentarily. He pauses. ]

None of that went as I had planned. That's... something I can say for certain. I didn't regret it afterwards though.

[Unlike Teru, Light does come to a complete stop and turns to face his boyfriend head on.]

....admittedly, I thought that was what you wanted.

No, it.. it hadn't crossed my mind before you progressed into that direction more clearly.

[ This is so awkward to talk about in hindsight. ]

Which was when I decided I liked you enough to try.

[A beat, and then Light resumes walking. Largely to avoid eye contact again.]

...ah. I misunderstood you then.

[ There is another pause here as it is finally dawning on Teru with full clarity what they put each other through. ]

I didn't actually know that until now. I apologize for not clarifying it back when it mattered... maybe we were both not actually ready.

[There's silence for a short while. It's as they turn right to cross the bridge going over the water that Light pauses.]

...to be honest, a part of me misses the days when things like that were difficult.

[ This statement should be outrageous for God to make. How could a chosen one ever miss a time before receiving his mission, his purpose? Those are the thoughts Teru might have had, if the image of Light crying in the hospital wasn't still burned into his mind. God had experienced great injustice, greater than even he could imagine. Teru knows Light won't turn back regardless. So the sentimentality just feels sad and hollow. ]

It was a simpler time with less responsibility in many ways. But for all it's worth, I'm glad these things are no longer difficult on top of the problems still persisting.

Getting to know you is no compare to actually knowing you in the end.

Though... now that we're studying together again, we're getting closer to the situation we had in high school once more, at least externally.

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