inordertobelieve

[There isn't anyone around to overhear, but Light still speaks even more quietly than before.]

Including that first time you asked me over to your apartment?

[ And there it is. This time it's Teru's turn to drop the pace even more, almost coming to a halt momentarily. He pauses. ]

None of that went as I had planned. That's... something I can say for certain. I didn't regret it afterwards though.

[Unlike Teru, Light does come to a complete stop and turns to face his boyfriend head on.]

....admittedly, I thought that was what you wanted.

No, it.. it hadn't crossed my mind before you progressed into that direction more clearly.

[ This is so awkward to talk about in hindsight. ]

Which was when I decided I liked you enough to try.

[A beat, and then Light resumes walking. Largely to avoid eye contact again.]

...ah. I misunderstood you then.

[ There is another pause here as it is finally dawning on Teru with full clarity what they put each other through. ]

I didn't actually know that until now. I apologize for not clarifying it back when it mattered... maybe we were both not actually ready.

[There's silence for a short while. It's as they turn right to cross the bridge going over the water that Light pauses.]

...to be honest, a part of me misses the days when things like that were difficult.

[ This statement should be outrageous for God to make. How could a chosen one ever miss a time before receiving his mission, his purpose? Those are the thoughts Teru might have had, if the image of Light crying in the hospital wasn't still burned into his mind. God had experienced great injustice, greater than even he could imagine. Teru knows Light won't turn back regardless. So the sentimentality just feels sad and hollow. ]

It was a simpler time with less responsibility in many ways. But for all it's worth, I'm glad these things are no longer difficult on top of the problems still persisting.

Getting to know you is no compare to actually knowing you in the end.

Though... now that we're studying together again, we're getting closer to the situation we had in high school once more, at least externally.

It's good to have gotten past that, yes.

[Part way across the bridge,Light stops and props his elbows up against the side rail. Another couple passes them from the opposite end of the bridge, chattering animatedly. He doesn't speak again until they're safely out of hearing range.]

Despite everything I do consider myself lucky to have you.

[ This is where objection pops up in Teru's mind again, because in the end, isn't it just self-explanatory that he should always be loyally on Light's side? But given how the mention of self-explanatory events went over earlier, he opts for a more light-hearted comment. ]

You were pretty determined in pursuing me back then, it doesn't feel like luck had much to do with it.

[Was I? Light considers this for a moment. In retrospect it's strange to think he was ever determined to pursue Teru considering many of his own doubts and misgivings about being with another man had been silenced with the unspoken reassurance that it wouldn't last anyway. The feeling sours in his stomach and he lets out a quiet sigh before straightening up again.]

...I was selfish, yes.

[ Teru shoots Light a quizzical look at that. ]

It's not as though I ever rejected you. I was... confused, yes, but I'm happy you had what it took to break through my shell of those days.

[ Somehow, he does genuinely feel that he's moved on from how he was as a teen. ]

[Light raises an eyebrow.]

Has anyone else managed it more recently then?

Takada-san... I suppose? We haven't spoken much recently anymore.

The point is that I was isolated for the sake of isolation back then. Even with you, I wouldn't allow myself to be too trusting. I have better people judgement these days.

[ It just so happens most people suck. Yeah. ]

Ah.

[The raised eyebrow remains raised.]

So on the roof back then when I asked if you trusted me or not, you lied huh.

[But it's said with a vague look of amusement.]

[ ........ ]

I wanted it to be true.

[ Almost the same thing. Teru looks embarrassed to be caught here though. ]

[He laughs, though it's more like a puff of exhaled air and a half grin than a distinct sound.]

So when did it actually become true?

[ There's another pause here, though not one of being flustered. Teru just needs a moment to think. It's just turn to lean on the rail and look over the lake for a moment. ]

I don't know. There's no specific moment that comes to mind, surprisingly. It was gradual... but at the time Kira appeared, I already knew I trusted you.

[ So 'somewhere in the first two months of dating' is his vague answer. ]

I see.

[Brief quiet. As nobody is near by for the time being, Light brushes Teru's back before turning away to look at the other side of the lake.]

[ For a while they stand side by side quietly. Teru doesn't feel any specific need to disrupt the atmosphere with words anymore after their conversation has come to a peaceful, natural halt. Coexisting quietly is a joy in itself that he takes in gladly. It's only after a bit, that the regular plans of the day start nagging at him again. ]

Do you think we should go buy ingredients soon? I'd rather not let it get too late in the evening for cooking.

[Silence between them doesn't bother Light as much as it used to. The sunshine feels pleasant on his face, and Teru is standing close by. The change that took place that made silence one created by the weight of everything that couldn't be said, to one that happens because nothing needs to be said is something he appreciates better now. He glances over when Teru interrupts however.]

We should go, yes.

[ As they slowly leave the peacefulness of their small impromptu date behind, Teru must admit that to his own discredit... he hasn't thought this through. Asking Light about a nice dinner had been as spontaneous as ideas ever come to him - and now it occurs to him, they don't actually have a shopping list. ]

.... was there something else we needed other than the specific ingredients?

[ He knows a few things from the top of his head already, but is that exhaustive...? Better ask God. ]

You don't remember?

[There's a faint tone of mock scandalized shock. Living with Teru has been eye opening in terms of how routinized his boyfriend's life really is, and while he doesn't expect anyone to know what items have to be replaced in the house inventory. except, perhaps his mother, there's still something to be said for how easily Teru feels discombobulated by these kinds of teasing questions.]

[ ... ah. Teru looks almost caught for a moment, before he shakes his head. ]

Well, there is salt, cheese, green tea... toilet paper... But despite it all, I may be forgetful. Anything else?

[ Of course, they couldn't need too many things because now that it is affordable, Teru takes great care to plan a functional household. ]

[Unable to keep himself from smirking when he catches that look, he turns his face quickly back to looking straight ahead.]

Pear. [A beat.] Not that they were on a list, but I'd like to have them for later. Other than that... we have salmon furikake, yes?

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