inordertobelieve

[He starts walking down the paved path going around the perimeter of the lake towards the pagoda at a pace that's neither brisk nor relaxed. Now that they're no holding hands, Light slips his hands in his pockets. He keeps his eyes on the path as Teru speaks, half listening, half stuck in hypotheticals. Even so, he can see that Teru is trying to keep him upbeat, and quietly Light appreciates it. Perhaps more than he'd be willing to admit.]

You're supposed to be a lawyer, Teru.

[Glancing over, there's a brief look of affection and a softer tone.]

What do you have when you don't have words, huh?

...for you, I have silent actions as well.

[ Like murdering people. Making dinner. Kisses. All very useful stuff. ]

Becoming a lawyer may be my goal, but I have more uses than just that.

I wouldn't have thought so when we first met, truth be told.

... I was young and withdrawn then.

[ Which is why he just didn't count this into their meetings at all. But he can't be mad about Light saying something more factually right instead of metaphorically fitting. ]

I doubt anyone at school really knew me.

[Implying you're old and outgoing now...? Light shakes his head to hiimself.]

Probably not. [A pause.] It really surprised me that you even agreed to date in the first place all things considered.

[ This is odd to think about now, considering how much his feelings for Light have changed and intensified. But unlike minutes earlier when he was speaking in euphoric euphemisms, he is willing to take this seriously this time. ]

You deeply impressed me in our conversation then. I almost felt like I had won an ally and the kiss... put a seal on already confused feelings. I was not very used to allies at the time.

[Wallking pace slows a touch as they speak.]

Were you actually comfortable though?

I was cautious to be. But yes. I enjoyed the time spent with you from the start.

[There isn't anyone around to overhear, but Light still speaks even more quietly than before.]

Including that first time you asked me over to your apartment?

[ And there it is. This time it's Teru's turn to drop the pace even more, almost coming to a halt momentarily. He pauses. ]

None of that went as I had planned. That's... something I can say for certain. I didn't regret it afterwards though.

[Unlike Teru, Light does come to a complete stop and turns to face his boyfriend head on.]

....admittedly, I thought that was what you wanted.

No, it.. it hadn't crossed my mind before you progressed into that direction more clearly.

[ This is so awkward to talk about in hindsight. ]

Which was when I decided I liked you enough to try.

[A beat, and then Light resumes walking. Largely to avoid eye contact again.]

...ah. I misunderstood you then.

[ There is another pause here as it is finally dawning on Teru with full clarity what they put each other through. ]

I didn't actually know that until now. I apologize for not clarifying it back when it mattered... maybe we were both not actually ready.

[There's silence for a short while. It's as they turn right to cross the bridge going over the water that Light pauses.]

...to be honest, a part of me misses the days when things like that were difficult.

[ This statement should be outrageous for God to make. How could a chosen one ever miss a time before receiving his mission, his purpose? Those are the thoughts Teru might have had, if the image of Light crying in the hospital wasn't still burned into his mind. God had experienced great injustice, greater than even he could imagine. Teru knows Light won't turn back regardless. So the sentimentality just feels sad and hollow. ]

It was a simpler time with less responsibility in many ways. But for all it's worth, I'm glad these things are no longer difficult on top of the problems still persisting.

Getting to know you is no compare to actually knowing you in the end.

Though... now that we're studying together again, we're getting closer to the situation we had in high school once more, at least externally.

It's good to have gotten past that, yes.

[Part way across the bridge,Light stops and props his elbows up against the side rail. Another couple passes them from the opposite end of the bridge, chattering animatedly. He doesn't speak again until they're safely out of hearing range.]

Despite everything I do consider myself lucky to have you.

[ This is where objection pops up in Teru's mind again, because in the end, isn't it just self-explanatory that he should always be loyally on Light's side? But given how the mention of self-explanatory events went over earlier, he opts for a more light-hearted comment. ]

You were pretty determined in pursuing me back then, it doesn't feel like luck had much to do with it.

[Was I? Light considers this for a moment. In retrospect it's strange to think he was ever determined to pursue Teru considering many of his own doubts and misgivings about being with another man had been silenced with the unspoken reassurance that it wouldn't last anyway. The feeling sours in his stomach and he lets out a quiet sigh before straightening up again.]

...I was selfish, yes.

[ Teru shoots Light a quizzical look at that. ]

It's not as though I ever rejected you. I was... confused, yes, but I'm happy you had what it took to break through my shell of those days.

[ Somehow, he does genuinely feel that he's moved on from how he was as a teen. ]

[Light raises an eyebrow.]

Has anyone else managed it more recently then?

Takada-san... I suppose? We haven't spoken much recently anymore.

The point is that I was isolated for the sake of isolation back then. Even with you, I wouldn't allow myself to be too trusting. I have better people judgement these days.

[ It just so happens most people suck. Yeah. ]

Ah.

[The raised eyebrow remains raised.]

So on the roof back then when I asked if you trusted me or not, you lied huh.

[But it's said with a vague look of amusement.]

[ ........ ]

I wanted it to be true.

[ Almost the same thing. Teru looks embarrassed to be caught here though. ]

[He laughs, though it's more like a puff of exhaled air and a half grin than a distinct sound.]

So when did it actually become true?

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