inordertobelieve

[There was an actual direction he'd been going in with that comment - a joke maybe? - but whatever the punchline was it evades Light like water dripping between his fingers. So much of how he feels at the moment, with his hands clasped tightly against Teru's and the continuous jolts of pleasure relentlessly traveling through his spine as he continues to move up and down, feels....
unreal. Dissonant. Like he's dissolving and spiraling, and every tiny little motion, every little sound and every little bit of pressure is almost too much to bear at once. Light closes his eyes and gives up on the idea of having coherent thoughts that have poignance.]

Hnnh, Teru....

[In the deepest recesses of his mind, he knows talking right now is not a good idea; he lacks the eloquence to say respectable things and yet-]

I- I want you... all of you... aah... everything you can give...

[ Everything. Everything, everything, everything... There is nothing Teru wants more than to obey this command and suddenly they don't feel at all connected enough. Their hands are wonderful together, yes, but there's more he wants to touch and he can't do it with them intertwining their fingers like this... ]

... everything. It belongs to you.... hhaa... every-- everything.

[ He pries their hands apart reluctantly so he can push himself up a little, bring his upper body closer to Light's as they move. Now he has access to touch him, to run his fingers over his chest, briefly - teasingly - over his cock and then around his back. Ah, now Light is so close... he can kiss him...

Doing so bends their upper bodies awkwardly, but Teru is beyond the point of noticing discomfort. There's only Light now and the aching of his own muscles can be an afterthought at some unspecified later point in time. Light is tight hotness, Light is warm lips, Light is perfect, is God... ]

God... G-god, Light, mmhhm, God...

[ He winds up whispering it against his lips, over and over because he can, because he feels it, because he's so indescribably happy. ]

[Almost hazily, like it belonged to a conversation from weeks ago rather than one that took place only moments before, Light remembers that this was supposed to be about spoiling Teru rather than being spoiled. Light remembers, but any shred of guilt that he would have felt about this is thoroughly washed away from mind as Teru touches him and presses their lips together. Being so close to his boyfriend, as close as two people can possibly get, feels so unabashedly perfect in every way, in spite of the awkward positioning. Though moving while they're like this now is more difficult, Light shivers bodily at the words spilling from Teru's lips, partly stunned that Teru knows so well what to say, partly overwhelmed by how his heart feels as though it's three sizes too big for him. Winding his arms around Teru's neck, Light kisses back insistently and greedily, moaning softly with each breath.]

Aah, Teru...

[Although every neuron in his brain feels as though it's buzzing with electricity and wonderful thoughts and feelings, actual words are hard to find. At a different time and context, Light would have been bothered that something so sweaty and intimate could make him so happy, but he doesn't care. In that moment, he loves every drop of sweat on Teru's skin, every drop of saliva on his lips from messy kisses, every centimeter of his boyfriend pressed inside him and....]

I love you so much...haa... being with you.... everything about you.... you're everything to me...

[Moving his hand, he brushes Teru's neck and traces a loop down his chest before leaning in for another kiss.]

We fit so perfectly together.

[ That's my text Teru thinks hazily, but he's far too breathless to articulate something so specific on the fly right now. It seems too good to be true that God would feel this way about him, it's more than even his wildest fantasies could have ever been. Everything.... of course, he shouldn't be everything, because there's a whole world to protect, but ah... he's the most righteous of them all, he's the one who's always been by Light's side, that's him, just him alone... ]

... w-we belong... aahn, belong... together.

[ One piece, God and follower united in their purpose, united in their feelings as humans and beyond.

Moving his hips himself is near impossible in this position, but he still wants to give more to Light so this time when his hand lands on is boyfriend's arousal, it stays, moving up and down relentlessly.

Teru's own eyes are closed tightly now, as he's moving back to kiss time and time again, clumsily. ]

[There'd been words on the tip of his tongue, but whatever they were the only sound that escapes his throat is a pleasured moan as Teru's hands go back to his cock. The friction is so quickly overwhelming that the resolve Light had to keep himself together for a little longer fades into a soft chorus of more... just a little more....

When his legs begin feeling weaker and weaker, Light digs his fingers into Teru's shoulders, half clinging,for support, half desperate to just touch his boyfriend a little more.The realization that he has to move, if only for Teru's sake, comes belatedly, but he feels determined to at least act on that thought instead of letting his boyfriend turn him into jello.

Swallowing and trying unsuccesfully to ignore how good he feels, Light begins to move again, small movements up and down, faster and faster, but god.... it's too much. Every fiber of his body feels as though it's coming apart and unraveling, spiraling out of reach, out of reality, and-]

Nngh!... Te-... Teru.......

[His voice is strained as he says Teru's name - almost like he's pleading for something only for the urgency to turn into a quiet satisfied mewl as Light closes his eyes and warm fluid drips down his thighs.]

[ Even though his own body feels like it's melting into a pool of pure ecstasy, what Teru notices the most is all the little ways Light tenses and loosens up, the noises he makes and breaths he takes.

Simultaneous climax is a romance cliche Teru is happy to have the chance to live through whenever it happens. When he's already combusting into sparks of pleasure, there is nothing that has an easier time sending him over the edge than Light's orgasm.

Knowing he's pleased Light, knowing how much they want each other... and then the extreme tightness around him, the hands clawing into his shoulders, the feeling of closeness...

He moans incoherently, not even the attempt of a word on his lips. When he's done, he doesn't open his eyes, only stays still, breathing erratically, prolonging the feeling of completion that he and Light can only achieve together. Not even the stickiness between their bodies can distract him now. ]

[Seconds seem to pass like minutes as wave after wave of bliss course through his arteries. Light wordlessly holds his boyfriend tight throughout, panting and somehow unable to string anything articulate together. Even through this intensity, there's something distinctly obscene about how he can hear and feel Teru's orgasm through his own body, and how that in turn makes Light himself feel so temporarily at peace with everything.

When the intensity subsides a little, Light immediately looks down at the warm fluid coating his stomach and legs just to quell some uneasy feeling about the quantity that came out of him. Of course, it's nothing at all like that and catching himself trapped in that train of thought gets him to laugh shakily without providing any explanations.

He feels unpleasantly sticky and overly lubricated. Both are objectively disgusting feelings. Moving just a little bit makes his boyfriend to slide out of him and that, too, makes him feel viscerally odd, but all the same the desire to be close doesn't really subside at all. Light wraps his arms around Teru and kisses him chastely.]

Mhmm...

[ By the time Light kisses him, Teru hasn't even opened his eyes yet, unwilling to let reality enter his bubble of good feelings. He hums happily against the kiss and when he breaks it, he finally raises his eyelids and smiles a little. It comes notably more naturally to him right now.

He doesn't say anything, just lowers himself backwards, pulling Light along, until his boyfriend is resting on top of him. They can't stay like this and sleep, there's cleanup to be done, but just another moment... until the post-orgasmic rush wears off and Teru inevitably can't take the stickiness anymore. ]

You're amazing in every way....

[ It's a tired mumble more than anything else. ]

[At first the movement makes him wince, but then Light is all too pleased about just lying on top of his boyfriend, bodies pressed close together. He closes his eyes and rests his head against Teru's chest while contentedly brushing his arm.]

It feels so good to be with you...

[Though murmured quietly, it's no less heartfelt. He breathes out languidly as he listens to Teru's heart beating. Already slowing down and becoming steadier, the sound slowly threatens to lull him into sleep. A minute or less might have passed like this with Light on the verge of dozing off, but eventually the part of him that's uncomfortable about being so dirty gets him to speak up again.]

...I want to stay like this, but we should clean up.

.... mhm.

[ A noise of hesitant agreement.

Teru dreads the separation of their bodies that will remove the pleasant warmth which currently distracts him so nicely from all the icky fluids spread over him. As soon as Light gets up, the gentle post-coital relaxation will be interrupted by awkward discomfort that can only be removed by a trip to the bathroom. It's too bad. Teru has grown to like sex quite a lot, but this never sits quite right with him.

He forces his eyes to open for real and his voice to sound less muttered. ]

We can't do that unless you move, sorry.

[Teru's pointing out something completely obvious, but hearing it still makes Light sigh. He raises his head off his boyfriend's chest.. and then proceeds not to make much progress in getting off as the prospect of stealing a quick kiss is more immediately appealing.]

To recharge.

[Light explains with a twinkle in his eye. And then he does very reluctantly sit up and snags some tissues from the bedside table to superficially wipe them clean so they don't track ejaculate all over the floor when they get up. When he's done with himself, he begins cleaning off Teru's stomach, talking softly all the while.]

... we've really been through a lot together, huh.

[ The clean-up is supremely awkward as a situation and Teru remembers that the first few times, he had to avoid all eye contact, no matter how fleeting during it. Back then not even the post-coital relaxation could truly ease him into this. That's long past now. He smiles a little and lets out a soft sigh. ]

It is hard to believe it's not been longer since we became close... It feels like I've been with you forever already.

[ He raises his hand to brush against Light's fringe and forehead gently. ]

Forever...?

[Light pauses a moment, then resumes wiping fluid off his boyfriend a beat later. Teru has an odd penchant for romantic exaggeration certainly, but it somehow manages to be more touching than eye roll worthy. His eyes naturally flutter shut as Teru touches his hair and forehead, briefly the perfect picture of contentedness.]

It does seem a little like that, I guess.

[He straightens up, scrunching up the tissues in his hand as he looks Teru in the eye again.]

Thank you for believing in me and staying by my side through the hard times.

You say that as if it weren't self-explanatory that I could never leave you.

[ If he were another person, he might have sounded amused while making this comment, but Teru is never flippant or humorous.

Now relatively clean, Teru pushes himself up as far as he can with Light still pinning him down with his hips. ]

There may have been in a time when we both weren't entirely sure of that, but that didn't make it less true.

[ Bound together not by fate but by their own effort, their good souls that would find each other everywhere and in any way. Surely, surely... even when he doubted, there's a reason he never took it a step too far. ]

[Light stares for a moment, a response already burning on the tip of his tongue.

But it wasn't self explanatory, Teru.

Long anxious nights spent wordlessly holding each other, wondering when something would become too much, steeling himself for the day Teru would say the dreaded words: I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore and having to force a smile and say that he understood through grit teeth.

Those days might feel like an eternity ago, and perhaps by now Teru's claim may have a ring of truth to it, but a part of him can't and won't accept anything about Teru as a given.

Light is still staring. And by now he's stared a little too long for any affirmative response to be remotely convincing. Instead, he wordlessly wraps his arms around his boyfriend and holds him tightly.]

[ It's the kind of answer he expected, but that won't stop Teru from repeating The Truth over and over. Nothing else can possibly be true about them and he wishes for Light to feel as secure in their relationship as Teru feels now.

He brushes his hands over Light's bare (and regrettably sweaty) back gently, returning the hug silently. Heartbeat against heartbeat, they are one creature now. Almost a single being in two bodies, now that Light has shared his divine force with him.

It would be nice to stay like this longer, but he's getting sleepier by the moment so he awkwardly pushes himself back a little. ]

I'll fall asleep here if we don't wash up fast...

[As Teru draws back, there's just a small part of Light that wants to hold tighter. He doesn't because they do need to wash up at some point, but also because it'd be so deeply pathetic on his part that he wouldn't be able to look himself in the eye.]

Mm. Let's be quick about it then. I'll go first.

[And since actions speak louder than words, Light finally moves off Teru's hips and gingerly gets to his feet. There's a little bit of discomfort as he moves - something he bites the inside of his lip to conceal - but by treading softly he makes his way to the door and into their bathroom.

As promised, he's gone for under ten minutes and returns rinsed and clean. By tomorrow he knows the aching feeling will have mostly subsided, but for now he sits a little too heavily on the bed for there to be any doubt about his discomfort.]

[ It's impossible for Teru not to notice how Light feels and it makes him feel vaguely guilty, against all reason. After all, he's had these sensations himself countless times and from the moment they agreed to this position it was clear Light would not get away without some after effects, but...

He leans over and plants a soft kiss on Light's cheek. ]

Sorry about that... I hope you feel better tomorrow.

[ He lingers for a moment, watching his boyfriend with concern and affection, then he gets up to actually wash himself too. Tired as he is, he has to force himself into it a little, but without being clean he'd never be able to catch decent sleep anyway. ]

[Figures he can't really hide something like physical discomfort from his boyfriend of all people. Still, there's a tiny reactionary flare of pride when Teru kisses his cheek.]

it's not that bad. I felt good with you.

[His tone is on the cusp of defensiveness - I'm not fragile, you know - and something a touch warmer than simple pointless posturing. He brushes Teru's fingers gently before clambering over the side of his bed.]

But if you think it is, you're always welcome to rub my shoulders.

[As he watches Teru leave for the bedroom, it belatedly occurs to him that he never bothered putting his clothes back on before getting comfortable in bed again, but then he can't really bring himself to care too much about it.]

[ The water is cold between his legs and thus a lot of his pleasant sleepiness leaves Teru as he meticulously frees himself of semen and sweat. By the end of the procedure, he's clean again (more so than necessary) and also shivering in their cool tiled bathroom. As unpleasant as that is, it makes the prospect of reuniting with Light under the blanket even more appealing.

That's one of the reason he hurries immensely on his way from the bedroom door to the bed. The other is solely that having Light look at him when walking naked is kind of embarrassing, still. Somehow.

Light hadn't put on any more clothes so Teru resists the urge to do so as well. He lifts the blanket and slips in, immediately pressing himself against his boyfriend to reheat his body. ]

Mhm...

[As Light waits for his boyfriend to return, he lies back on the pillow with the covers pulled up to his chin. The warmth combined with tiredness make it hard to stay awake, though not even those can drown out a residual painfulness that doesn't quite go away no matter what position he's in. It's nothing to dwell on, and certainly nothing he regrets. Being together with Teru is one of the best things in his life and in much the same way that taking his boyfriend's affection for granted has become unthinkable, so has the idea of regretting any part of it.

While waiting for Teru to return, he's lulled into a half awakened state of consciousness, neither asleep nor alert. He's all quiet breathing and fond thoughts as he mentally drifts from place to place. From having to use purple toilet paper for the foreseeable future to more sombre questions like whether or not an inability to internalize Teru's certainty is really a reflection of his own lack of faith.

Something that may not be entirely fair.

Teru returns before he can dwell on this for too much longer, and though he smiles a vague half smile as his boyfriend approaches, it's replaced with a shiver the instant their bodies are pressed together.]

Ah... .

[But in a contradictory fashion, Light moves his arm over Teru and traces his spine up and down. Pressing his forehead against Teru's neck, he murmurs softly.]

I said you were welcome to rub my shoulders, not to use me as your personal heater.

... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get as cold, but I was quite sticky.

[ And once he gets to cleaning up stickiness it is certainly hard to stop. He
hates it so, he wants to be clean completely to lay with his God.

Light's warmth is more than pleasant against him and Teru nestles himself in deeper, almost as if trying to melt into his boyfriend. ]

Let me have one more minute and I'll be ready....

[ Rubbing Light's shoulders certainly doesn't sound bad either, but the heat is so pleasant and soft and smooth... Intoxicating, though mostly in the way of a sleep tonic by now.
He feels a bit guilty about this selfishness, but it doesn't make him nervous anymore. He knows Light will forgive his moment of weakness, maybe even be endeared. ]

Stalling tactics, huh.

[Not that Light seems displeased about it. His hand settles on the small of Teru's back where he idly traces out circles with his thumb. Holding each other in bed naked doesn't seem so strange now, but in the past it'd only been the result of mistakenly falling asleep next to each other soon after being sexually intimate. This being a voluntary and conscious choice now with their bodies pressed close enough that Light can feel their chests rising and falling against each other as they breathe in unison seems like a bigger step than it actually ever was. Like so many things between them, gradual incremental changes make things hard to pinpoint as turning points... with a few glaring exceptions.

He draws back to look at his boyfriend's face and, with his free hand, brushes his lips.]

You can't fool me so easily. I can see right through you.

[ Teru looks caught for a moment, though the shiver that runs down his spine at the touch is definitely pleasant. ]

... you only stall when the thing you are asked to do is unpleasant though. Touching you never matches that criteria.

[ Despite his words, he is very reluctant to draw apart further. He could just fal asleep on the spot right here, but that won't do for his God.... ]

You should turn over to give me access though.

Uh-huh.

[Light raises an eyebrow, but from his tone it's quite clear that there's no genuine disbelief. He rolls carefully onto his stomach and over onto his side. Glancing over his shoulder, he offers a half smile.]

Is that good enough access for you?

Returns

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)