Returns

[inordertobelieve]

[ There is something strange about remaining after his class. For the last months, he's always headed straight home after class and he'd almost feel lazy remaining sitting on a bench know if he didn't know what and who he's waiting for.

He's known Light would finally come back for weeks now, but it's hard to believe him just walking down the path towards him again. The last time that has happened seems so long ago....

They're finally back on the right path completely. Teru has no reason to be nervous about this, but maybe 'nervous' is not the right word for it so much as 'excited'.

Against habit, he does not keep his head bowed as he sits and instead actively looks out for his boyfriend. ]

Comments

[inordertobelieve]

I didn't seriously suspect it before the disappearance. I thought you were acting strange, but none of it ever quite clicked before that.

Afterwards the thought was impossible to ignore.

[ He breathes in deeply, looking over the lake that is now within their sight. ]

So I never quite lost sight of it.

[arbiter]

[Brief silence as Light quietly takes in the park. It isn't crowded today, but all the same he can feel the downward glances of strangers looking at his and Teru's hands.]

So that's what you were holding onto, huh....

[A pause as they make their way closer to the water.]

It's ironic. That would've been unforgivable back then.

[inordertobelieve]

[ ... of course Teru knew that, but it makes him go silent as well. He's quiet until they're finally pausing to look at the lake. ]

.... I knew that, of course.

[ He breathes out a gentle sigh and finally turns back to look at Light. ]

That scared me more than anything. I wanted to believe you and... to believe in you.

[ Briefly he glances around to make sure nobody is closeby before silently speaking the next words. ]

I loved you anyway though. All along.

[arbiter]

[A vague chill runs down Light's spine as Teru whispers. It's an inappropriate reaction to have in public, and not even staring at their warped reflections on the lake surface, widening and narrowing as koi swim past, quite banishes the warmth that takes its place. He ought to be annoyed that admissions of love could still be meaningful months later, but the reality is that he isn't annoyed at all.]

I was scared, too. [Equally quietly.]

I knew no matter how much I loved you, it wouldn't be enough.

[inordertobelieve]

[ Teru swallows at that, uncertain how to answer. If he were at home, he'd kiss Light here. Easy physical reassurances of their bond that have long become second nature. ]

It's bitter that I was so torn between my feelings for you and my loyalty to you. I was going to choose you either way, but both choices would have been wrong.

[ It feels strange to admit that after he has suppressed the need of choosing or acknowledging the existence of a dilemma for so long. ]

... but in the end, it was enough. We made it.

[ And he knows that to be right but he'd still like to hear Light repeat it. ]

[arbiter]

Mm.

[Light looks back down at the water, brow creased slightly. If they were at home, it would have been alright to verbalize the question but if we hadn't, would we still be talking to each other like we are now?

The invitation to slide down more morose paths is right before Light's eyes as he contemplates his own answer briefly. But in the end, it's not the speculation that matters, but the actual outcome. They're standing side by side, hand in hand at the park on the first day of classes. Today is supposed to be a good day and it should stay that way.]

I'm glad for that.

[A beat, and Light speaks a touch more brightly.]

I need you now more than ever.

[inordertobelieve]

[ Teru is relieved to find the conversation drifting away from the past - he never liked willingly lingering on that, though unwillingly it is in his thoughts at all times. ]

You can always count on me.

[ But then he gives a questioning look. ]

How can I support you more?

[ He already does a lot and he is not averse to doing more but he also doesn't quite see what and when he could feasibly do anymore. ]

[arbiter]

[In response, Light releases Teru's hand and turns it palm side up. Discreetly he carefully writes three hiragana with his finger. Sa-ba-ki]

[inordertobelieve]

[ ... ah.

He somehow in the back of his mind expected this, no, hoped for it, but it felt presumptuous to assume God would share his most important and divine task. And Teru wanted it, he wanted to help, do everything he possibly could to help create this world with his own hands... He thinks he'd have been satisfied just supporting Light from the side. Truly. But this....

His face lights up as he understands and once Light lets go of his hand, he can't help place if over his own heart. ]

As you wish... I'll gladly do all within my power for your goal.

[arbiter]

[Light takes in Teru's delight and smiles fractionally.]

Our goal.

[inordertobelieve]

That sounds nice...

[ Naming himself in one breath with God, not only in mundane existence but also in all the divine ways.... ]

And it's true. You knew from the moment we met how much I want this, too.

[arbiter]

[The exaggeration doesn't get a free pass, though it's more amusing than anything else. Light raises an eyebrow.]

Are you suggesting this is destiny?

[inordertobelieve]

Ah, no...

Not exactly.

[ Congrats, his expression normalizes here. ]

But I do think we deserved it.

[arbiter]

[The amusement fades from Light's face as he shifts eye contact away from his boyfriend. He stays quiet longer this time, each thought he has bleeding into another one on what it even means to deserve the opportunity, and the prices paid. It's a closed matter, and time spent thinking about how things could've gone differently is time wasted. All the same, there's a touch of bitterness as Light looks back at Teru.

That's easy for you to say.

It isn't an entirely fair thought as Teru had his own struggles to deal with, and in the end... deserving each other and deserving the chance to make a better world together does feel right regardless of everything that happened to get here. Any other thoughts would simply be... projection.]

A lot happened, yeah.

[A forced smile.]

Let's walk.

[inordertobelieve]

[ The smile makes Teru hesitate. Though his mood is fantastic, it's hard to not notice when something is off about Light. They may not have been together for an eternity, but they are more familiar than most people are. ]

...yes, let's.

I look forward to our future most of all now. It does seem dream-like to be able to help create it. You know I am eternally grateful to you already, but there is no way of expressing it that would quite convey it either.

[arbiter]

[He starts walking down the paved path going around the perimeter of the lake towards the pagoda at a pace that's neither brisk nor relaxed. Now that they're no holding hands, Light slips his hands in his pockets. He keeps his eyes on the path as Teru speaks, half listening, half stuck in hypotheticals. Even so, he can see that Teru is trying to keep him upbeat, and quietly Light appreciates it. Perhaps more than he'd be willing to admit.]

You're supposed to be a lawyer, Teru.

[Glancing over, there's a brief look of affection and a softer tone.]

What do you have when you don't have words, huh?

[inordertobelieve]

...for you, I have silent actions as well.

[ Like murdering people. Making dinner. Kisses. All very useful stuff. ]

Becoming a lawyer may be my goal, but I have more uses than just that.

[arbiter]

I wouldn't have thought so when we first met, truth be told.

[inordertobelieve]

... I was young and withdrawn then.

[ Which is why he just didn't count this into their meetings at all. But he can't be mad about Light saying something more factually right instead of metaphorically fitting. ]

I doubt anyone at school really knew me.

[arbiter]

[Implying you're old and outgoing now...? Light shakes his head to hiimself.]

Probably not. [A pause.] It really surprised me that you even agreed to date in the first place all things considered.

[inordertobelieve]

[ This is odd to think about now, considering how much his feelings for Light have changed and intensified. But unlike minutes earlier when he was speaking in euphoric euphemisms, he is willing to take this seriously this time. ]

You deeply impressed me in our conversation then. I almost felt like I had won an ally and the kiss... put a seal on already confused feelings. I was not very used to allies at the time.

[arbiter]

[Wallking pace slows a touch as they speak.]

Were you actually comfortable though?

[inordertobelieve]

I was cautious to be. But yes. I enjoyed the time spent with you from the start.

[arbiter]

[There isn't anyone around to overhear, but Light still speaks even more quietly than before.]

Including that first time you asked me over to your apartment?

[inordertobelieve]

[ And there it is. This time it's Teru's turn to drop the pace even more, almost coming to a halt momentarily. He pauses. ]

None of that went as I had planned. That's... something I can say for certain. I didn't regret it afterwards though.