inordertobelieve | clubs 2: and once more with feeling // closed to solsticeanew

[As expected. The confirmation therefore doesn't come as any kind of disappointment, but as an after image of Teru awkwardly sashaying around the clubroom plays in his mind's eye, Light feels increasingly deprived of a good laugh. He ducks his head subtly to mask a tiny smile as he sits on a desk.]

A little?

[It'd been Yasunaga's suggestion to follow him along to a gay club in Kabukicho just once. It'd been... oddly liberating to see so many dance without a care in the world who saw, even if ultimately being flirted with by men he had no interest in wasn't much better than when it'd been women doing the same.

Light crosses his legs and leaning forward, rests his chin on an open palm.]

I wouldn't say I'm a skilled dancer though I could probably teach you how to slow dance at least.

[ By now, Teru should really be used to these vague flirtatious things Light says. These kinds of cheesy things that would sound hammy and fake from anyone else. And really, he's seen Light up close and undressed so the idea of moving around a room close to him should by all rights of logic not be exciting. But yet... It's a maddening feeling to have his head messed with like this. ]

... ah, don't worry about it. I don't think I'll ever be in a situation to need it.

[ Teru deals with it by making an attempt to escape. Such cliches aren't for him, he decides. ]

[Again, as expected. Not that the offer had been a serious one exactly, but but Light wouldn't have minded being pleasantly surprised either.]

You never know. Uni is full of surprises, or so they say.

[He smiles faintly, though truthfully given the lack of interest in playful banter it seems as though Teru plans on leaving sooner rather than later which is working up to be a disappointment. Light gives it another shot with a different topic.]

There has to be some things you do or that you've learned even if you didn't think they had practical value though.

Edited 2017-12-11 22:57 (UTC)

[ Instinctively Teru wants to say 'no, not really' to that, but then he'd have no way to continue conversation and would instead be pressured into finally taking his bag and heading home into his box-sized apartment. Not appealing.

While he thinks about how to respond, he makes a step towards where Light is sitting. For ease of conversation, of course. ]

Depends on how you define practical value, I'd say. I suppose knowing the legal codes of other countries in past eras is not strictly speaking useful for my current career, but it might still assist it in the end.

[ Hrrm. An uncertain pause. ]

... this proves your point, huh?

[....That just sounds so much like a parody of things Mikami Teru would do for fun that Light doesn't know if he's amused or underwhelmed. The corners of his lips quirk upwards, almost as though he'd been about to laugh but has thought better of it.]

It might also make you popular with a particularly nerdy individual, I'd say.

[ Teru instinctively gives a quick glance up and down Light's seated body at that and only a heartbeat later he's horrified that it might have been notable. ]

Considering I am not on the lookout for one, that qualifies as 'no imminent practical use'.

[ Light is intelligent and booksmart for sure, but somehow he escapes any conventional definition of the word 'nerd'. He's too smooth for it, too shiny and out there. Teru is not sure if that message is getting across now. He's not sure he wants it to. ]

[At this Light does laugh and shifts on the desk, leaning back a pinch with a raised eyebrow and a glint in his eye.]

Strange. You don't seem too upset by that.

Edited 2017-12-12 00:53 (UTC)

[ This is presumably his cue to say something more direct which is presumably not weird because they've been to a hotel together twice and that's... that's an indication of interest if there's any, isn't it? Teru has never really dated before, but he thinks this is a fairly safe bet. ]

Recently, circumstance hasn't given me much reason to feel lonely.

[...And this, in theory, is the perfect opening to just.... ask Teru the question, right? Light breathes out, and this mischievousness of his expression gradually dials down to something vaguely hopeful.]

... That's kind of circumstance then.

[But as Light tries to formulate the words, all of it sounds miserably awkward in his head, so high school. The soft fluttering of his stomach is so utterly beneath him. The silence stretches for what feels like minutes before Light gets to his feet.]

Hey, Mikami-kun....

[One step, two steps, three stes... just barely close enough to touch.]

[ Oh. That is... an approach. Precedent says it might end in kisses and if Teru is perfectly honest with himself, that's not an outcome he'd mind. It's just this in between, the tension of not really knowing where anything between them is going... that's what is unbearable. Teru doesn't even like uncertainty, yet he's left this going on in a neither-nor state for weeks now. Since he enabled it, maybe he has nobody but himself to blame for feeling nervous now.

He manages to not break eye contact however. ]

What is it?

[Somehow the situation is instantly regrettable. Getting rid of all that space between them was a terrible idea now that Light is all too aware of how nicely it had put up a buffer between them. On the other hand, not having the laxity to back down easily seems... perhaps for the better.

Still, Light takes just a half step back as he breathes out.]

Do you think we could talk about... what we're doing, I suppose.

[ Teru swallows. What Light is asking is not at all contrary to his own wishes, but the extremely ambiguous phrasing isn't exactly hope inspiring. Nevertheless, they have to do it. Put clear terms to whatever this is. It's better to do it sooner rather than later, lest more misunderstandings arise. He nods. ]

I've been wanting to do that as well, yes. I'd like to know where we stand.

[...which of course means Light has to start, huh? He breaks eye contact to look at Teru's arm.]

Mm. I suppose... to start, maybe it'd be best to clarify how we view things between us. Is it purely about satisfying physical desires or is it something else as well.

[A beat. It's... tempting to leave it there and put the ball in Teru's court, but he forces himself to continue.]

... It'd be okay if it was only the former for you.

[ There's a longer moment of silence after this as Teru gathers himself for a response. The suggestion Light gives right off the bat makes him feel unsure. Is this a subtle hint guiding him into the direction Light wants? That would be ... awkward... But no matter how the truth may be, he couldn't take that hint anyhow. It's just not who he is. ]

No, truth be told, I was never looking for just that.

[ He was excited to receive it, that is for sure, but not just anyone would have done. He could enjoy it with Light because he liked him, because he's not the kind of man who just......

Well, in the end he had 'just', but with genuine feelings of attachment behind it. That counts for something. ]

[At that, Light perks up visibly, looking for a split second as though he can't believe what he's just heard. Relief cascades over him in waves as he looks back up at Mikami's face. There'd been so little reason to doubt, but he'd doubted anyway... for well, reasons that Yasunaga might've called "being sensitive." Perhaps he'd been right about that too, but the thought of simply imagining potential that were never there had been so indescribably unbearable that it'd been easier not to give them the benefit of the doubt at all. His expression brightens immediately.]

It's a similar story here.

[And because in retrospect his own formality is nothing short of ridiculous, he laughs.]

I guess circumstance has been pretty kind to me as well.

[ Relief floods Teru in a wave that threatens to sweep him away. He's not sure how to react, he is just so so so glad to not have made a fool out of himself, to have... his feelings returned, whatever vague shape they may be taking at the moment.

He breathes out in a long gentle sigh and tries to gather himself. Tries in vain. ]

... thank you.

[ It's the only words that really can come out of him right now and he knows they're not the right ones. ]

Eh?

["Thank you" was hardly the response he was expecting there, though the sentiment isn't exactly difficult to reverse engineer. Light wouldn't have said it that way himself, but it does feel good to not feel alone. Better than good, even. It's something novel... something that if dwelled on for too long that might make eye contact hard to maintain.

An actual relationship where feelings are mutual and don't have to be hidden away. Light can barely wrap his mind around the enormity of that kind of luxury. He laughs, rather sheepishly.]

That's my line, isn't it? You know... for if you agree to go out with me.

[ It's Teru who awkwardly drops eye contact when it's pointed out that his reaction was not... quite appropriate, even if not wrong per se. ]

You don't need to think of it as an 'if'...

[ He'd pictured having a boyfriend before, just a vague image of another guy who is kind and righteous and maybe calls him on the phone sometimes. Now he realizes he doesn't even have Light's phone number and neither does Light have his, but they've had fantastic sex twice and only now they're even talking about a relationship and.... Everything seems very backwards. Overwhelmingly backwards. ]

I'd like to, yes.

[ Maybe from now on they can go at a pace that Teru deems more normal, but he doesn't dare being hopeful. ]

So...

[So that's a "yes." Light lets that affirmation sink in, trying not to seem overly thrilled about it but failing to keep himself from smiling widely.]

Then... thank you.

[And maybe that's not the right sentiment, but it sure as hell feels a lot easier to say than an admission of deep seated relief.]

[ Teru's heart is pounding a little too hard in his chest and he also lets loose and allows himself a small, shy smile. ]

I... I should give you my phone number now, right?

[ That's not necessarily the protocol for the first moments of being a couple, Teru knows, but that's because it should have happened before. He likes the idea of being actually able to reach... reach his boyfriend... which is probably what Light Yagami is now. ]

[After a very obviously missed beat.]

...Yeah. That'd be great, actually.

[Light isn't prone to mumbling or tripping over his own thoughts, but hearing this stated so plainly makes it all the more obvious that this should've happened ages ago. He's thought as much before, but leaving it until now just seems so unspeakably silly. Ducking out of eye contact to fish out his phone from his pocket, he flips it open with just the faintest trace of pink in his cheeks.]

[ Seeing Light a little flustered ironically makes Teru ease into the situation more. It feels like they're on a little more equal footing like this. He takes his own phone out and then holds it over to Light, contact list setting opened. ]

Just enter yourself, that might be faster than dictating the number.

[Still not making eye contact just yet, Light nods and hands Teru over his own phone after accepting Teru's.]

You can call me whenever you want. I usually keep my phone on vibrate, after all.

[It's only after he says this that the superfluousness of it really settles in. He's babbling now, and that's just yet another layer of mortifying. Light quickly types in his number and looks up at Teru.]

If you want to, that is.

[... and as that still qualifies as babbling, Light clears his throat and hands the phone back over.]

[ That's... nice. Definitely, genuinely very nice. Teru mistypes his own phone number twice in the nervous air of the moment, but he's a little too excited to feel embarrassed about that. He's not sure Light even noticed his backspace pressing in the end. ]

I might.

[ Might do it? Might want to? Probably more of the latter and less of the former, but close enough. He takes his own phone and returns Light's. ]

And likewise, if I'm not sleeping or in class then I should be available to you...

[ Like an actual... boyfriend. ]

[Light stares his phone screen for just a second too long before saving Teru as a new contact. It feels formalized this way, and however small this affirmation of change truly is, it still makes Light happy to know that Mikami's number is now safely stored in his phone's SIM card.]

Heh... this is really backwards, huh.

[He can't possibly be the only one thinking it, and maybe just saying it will at least make him feel a little freer. To an extent, it does - Light dissolves into an earnest kind of laugh as he brushes the back of his head.]

clubs 2: and once more with feeling // closed to solsticeanew

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