inordertobelieve

[Teru pulls Light down on top of him and though the motion surprises him, he melts into it with another contented noise. His cheeks feel warm again, just as soon as he'dthought that this nonsense had subsided. Yet he can't bring himself to be annoyed by it.]

...yes...

[Light whispers the word like he's daydreaming. It's a simple sentiment, a simple word, but hearing it is both exhilarating and sobering. Lying together in this position is warm and comfortable. Even the feeling of his boyfriend's arousal rubbing against his abdomen feels so familiar that it's no longer the source of panicked questions about what to do about it.

In a way, knowing the same must be true in reverse is reassuring. Light knows he doesn't have to feel embarrased or ashamed that his own arousal is pressed against Teru's leg. They'll take care of each other, love each other and grow even more familiar together. All of this just seems... perfect.]

You're the only one who deserves to be by my side...

[Brushing Teru's arms, Light pulls back just enough to make eye contact.]

The only one who I can trust.

[And then closer to Teru's ear:]

The only one who can help me change everything.

[ Teru has spent a long time convincing that it doesn't matter whether or not people praise him for doing the right thing, because God would always be satisfied and that's the only thing that matters. He's gone through life steeling himself to deal with dismissal and insult, to be proud of himself regardless of all of that. God approved. That was all he needed.

But God's approval had never been tangible words he could physically perceive. God's approval had been a frame of mind, a background certainty, not....

The out-loud admission of Teru's privileged position, of his blessing, his reward, is almost unbearable. The worth Teru always knew he had is being acknowledged, appreciated, elevated even further... It's the full validation of his entire being; past, present and future. In his lovers arms, he enjoys the confirmation that he's always been right and that the only person who matters knows as much. ]

I love you...

[ His hands aimlessly travel all over Light's back, just wanting to touch as much of God's skin as possible. ]

I'll never disappoint you...

[ Then he decides that 'downwards' is probably a good idea for a direction and slips his fingers slightly below Light's waistband. ]

I was made to serve you...

[ He brings one of his hands to the front, into the narrow room between them. The position doesn't give him much space, but he does manage to close his fingers around Light's penis and move ever-so-slightly. ]

Only you....

[Light wasn't sure what he was anticipating in response. Perhaps a contented sound, being held tighter, a soft kiss... something sweet and nonverbal in nature because it seemed they'd reached a point where words were no longer needed. In hindsight that was clearly naive on his part.

The words I love you alone has him opening his mouth to echo it back to his boyfriend in earnest, but the motion of Teru's hands on his back makes him breathe out slowly instead. The rest of it seems to pass by him in stroboscopic frames, wave after wave of feelings that don't process as quickly as the words in his ear.

I'll never disappoint you seems like an invitation to inevitable disappointment, but the thought flashes by with an almost anxious tightening and loosening of his grip on Teru's shoulders. The thought of being let down by Teru is unsettling, uncomfortable and so buriable with the words that comes after. It's the kind of romantic hyperbole that Light would have made fun of had it been stated in any other context, from any other person, really. A cheap exaggeration that ceases to mean anything... and yet he shivers and doesn't dare speak. He can feel his heart beating in his throat, and no amount of swallowing will make it go down. In a way, nothing new has been said at all - he's known for a while now that there's nobody but Teru for him, and he couldn't be more satisfied about it, but hearing it, reaffirming it, owning that moment....

In the end, his body knows how to react before the rest of him does. As Teru begins stroking him, Light's eyes flutter shut and he moans softly into Teru's ear. Such a ting can't factually be true, but he doesn't think he's ever been so hard in his life or so eager to be touched.]

...nngh....Teru.......

[He knows he looks unpresentable right now, but that's alright. It's more than alright. HIs boyfriend is the only person in the world who can see him like this. Because....]

We were made for each other.

[Light leans in, and whispers a word before pressing their lips together again.]

You're irreplaceable.

[ Once upon a time, Teru found it awkward to touch Light intimately. Familiar body parts used to be not at all familiar on someone else, and there was always a degree of hesitation involved in the decision to reach between Light's legs.

That time couldn't be longer ago now. Light is hard under his fingers and he can faintly feel his pulse, tangible proof of the love between them. Teru never thought male genitalia were appealing before he drew this connection. Now every little sign of how much Light wants him has become alluring and brushing his fingers over it affectionately has become a pleasure and a privilege.

Between the hot feeling of Light in his hands and the passionate movement of lips against lips - and then soon tongue against tongue, open-mouthed and breathless - Teru feels like he's melting away. Almost.
It would certainly be easier to feel that way if his own erection wasn't painfully hard as well and nothing was specifically giving him any relief there.

Without breaking the kiss, Teru uses his free hand to try and pull down Light's pajama pants further to give him a better access range. It takes an awkward few tries until he succeeds.

With Light's groin now free from hindering fabric, Teru now has it easy to bring their arousals together in his hand, lazily stroking up and down both of them.

He moans lengthily into the kiss. Shame in his intimate voice is another thing he's long left behind. ]

[When he and Teru are like this it's easy to be drawn into a different frame of mind. A place where complicated thoughts don't have to be so complicated, and the only reason to pursue anything is simply that it feels inviting and sensual. Kisses go from being chaste little avenues of expressing affection to bodily expressions of things like, I want you, I love you, I'm so happy to be with you and the friction from Teru's hand around his erection takes on a life of its own, dictating when Light misses beats, when he grinds their hips together and when his breath hitches and relaxes.

In retrospect, he regrets it completely that he never did finish undressing, but he aids the clumsy attempt to pull his pants down as best he can without breaking apart. On some level, it makes him laugh that Teru isn't doing the sensible thing and pausing to do that, but Light himself is so complicit in it that he only smiles into their kisses, and runs his hand down his boyfriend's chest, pausing to draw gentleAh circles over the nipple with his thumb.

Ah, but then Teru brings their arousals together and between that and the noise his boyfriend makes, Light forgets what he was intending on doing. He never ever anticipated ever feeling so good. about hearing anyone making lewd noises, but in the present, all he can think is how much he wants to hear it again.

And in after thought, how much he wants to be rid of his clothes so that they stop getting in the way by bunching around his thighs. Reluctantly, after one too many instances of I'll break apart now for real, Light draws back, lips tingling. Looking down at his boyfriend's face, he feels compelled to brush it gently.]

... you're right, I should have undressed sooner rather than later. I need to listen to you more.

[ Teru takes a moment to catch his breath, gazing up at Light who looks equally flushed and captivated by their intimacy. He can't help but smile a little. Smiles always come easier to him when he's with Light, but doubly so when hormone rush clouds his mind pleasantly.

Then he registers that he needs to let go of Light in order for him to actually be able to get his pants off and with a last lingering stroke he opens his grip. ]

... it will be nice when there's nothing in the way anymore.

[That last gentle stroke has Light breathing out deeply, and his movements are notably reluctant as he sits back in order to completely undress.]

You don't undress that quickly though.

[Half teasing with a smile, Light drops his pants over the edge of his bed and turns back to face his boyfriend. But rathe than lying back on top and resuming where they'd left off, he reaches out and brushes Teru's arousal, moving his hand gently up and down in a noncommittal rhythm.]

Not that I mind.

[After a moment, however, Light stops moving his hand, and asks more seriously:]

You said you wanted to go all the way...?

[ Teru has nothing to say in his defense here. In the heat of the moment, he usually barely pays any mind to his own state of clothing or arousal. There is Light to focus on, Light to please... it's hard to have a mind for anything else.

He gasps when Light touches him, then hums quietly in appreciation. It's not exactly enough to make him feel significantly, but it's a nice gesture and a pleasant tingling sensation. ]

... yes. I really want you completely right now.

[ Aside from the escapade with the toilet paper, the whole mood of today has been all-consumingly intimate, so Teru feels it's only natural to bring that to conclusion. ]

[That makes deciding how to proceed easier, he supposes. Light idly brushes Teru's thigh as he muses on his own preferences going forward, but no clear answers form in his mind. That does feel odd, even in his hazier state of mind. Not having any concerns, just having complete trust in Teru to know that anything will be just fine and comfortable...

It's strange, but also not strange at all. Trying half heartedly to shake this indecision off a little, which isn't easy when his predominant feeling is wanting to melt back into his boyfriend's arms, Light nods.]

Same.

[Which then, in turn, requires a condom and lube, neither of which are going to propel themselves towards him by willpower alone. Light shifts himself closer to his bedside table to get them. It felt weird keeping things like this in their apartment at first, but by now it's become part of the background noise in their daily lives together.

Items in hand, he moves back between Teru's legs. Today was a good day for both of them, bringing about a change in routine for him, but also a return to familiar things. Perhaps that means a pinch of novelty is in order.

He breathes out and places the condom in Teru's hand.]

So this is for you then.

Edited (dumb typo demanded correction) 2017-07-07 16:27 (UTC)

[ Teru blinks, for a moment quite confused. Somehow he had expected the change of pace would lead to active topping from Light's part not a reversal of roles that had become continuously more cemented lately. Teru is active, Teru is receiving. It used to not always be like that, but somewhere along the line it had turned into an arrangement that satisfies both of their needs. Switching has grown so rare, Teru always finds himself confused when it comes up at first.

But then.. the idea isn't unpleasant at all. It's actually rather... exciting. Today is festive and Teru doesn't even care about the concept of festivities in the mundane sense, of course - but this is worship and reward for worship and that's a context that can make even exceptions look a little beautiful. ]

... ah. Thank you.

[ He sits up a little to be able to see what he's doing when he rips the condom package open delicately and puts it on. ]

[Light laughs a little, inexplicably charmed by the confusion. Although he initially watches his boyfriend put the condom on, eventually the inane fluttering of his own heart gets to a point that he's forced to look away. A while ago, he might have pinned this exact feeling as nervousness, but right now it's more that he feels self conscious about how erotic watching this is.

On some level, it's worth laughing at himself over, but if he started feeling any stranger between wanting his boyfriend inside him and how aroused he is, any further laughter might just come out wrong. He bites his lower lip, flips the cap of the lube open with his thumb and hands Teru the bottle.

And then... he has to regain composure in oder to talk. Partially raising his eyes to look at Teru's lips, he leans in for a kiss and asjs:]

Do you prefer me on my back or...

[He shifts a little to properly straddle Teru's hips.]

..is this what you'd pefer?

[ Teru hadn't known what he wanted until Light demonstrates an option and then his heart is beating in his throat and his erection feels almost painful inside its rubber enclosure.
There isn't much that can still embarrass him in front of Light when it comes to the sexual, but for a moment he can't look his boyfriend in the eyes. ]

... stay like this.

[ He isn't sure himself why that idea makes him feel so excited right now, but maybe it's because it's the perfect compromise between being in proximity to touch Light all over and letting Light spoil him as he said he wanted to.

He'll be able to reach out for every part of his boyfriend, see every movement on top of him and... ah, who would ever have thought he'd want something so trivial so much?

Teru glances over Light's body in front of him, the hard arousal and sweaty skin... He licks his lips nervously and raises the bottle of lube to pour some onto his hand. He never liked the feeling of that specifically, but it's a necessary evil. ]

You look amazing right now.

[The compliment shouldn't surprise him, but it still gets Light to flush a little in knowing exactly how he looks right now. In the back of his mind, he half wonders if this exact feeling of giddy self consciousness is what those who'd crushed on him before had felt when he'd casually dispensed some platitudinous compliment, but he knows that can't possibly be right.... right?

And then he decides he doesn't care. After missing a beat, he makes eye contact, despite feeling warm and flushed, and grins.]
Do I?

[He angles his body forward, resting his hands on Teru's shoulders, fingers laced around his back. He kisses his boyfriend's neck and brushes his tongue up to his ear.]

I could say the same about you.

[And another whisper, softer this time.]

I never knew I could want you so much.

[ Teru shudders and gasps in tune with Light's caress. He's almost tempted to close his eyes and fall back again, but of course that is counterproductive. They're both too hard to wait much longer, and preparations are on the way...

He brings his lubricated fingers to Light's butt, carefully avoiding to get the fluid on skin it's not supposed to go to - icky spread of it everywhere can definitely kill the feeling, Teru thinks. ]

I want you more each time... we were clueless when we met... but now... mhm...

[ His finger's find their destination and gingerly puts one in, moving it in gentle circles for a start. After all the times Light did this for him, he at least feels confident on how to make it pleasant. ]

[His grip on Teru's shoulders tightens as Light reflexively tenses up against the intrusion. Knowing he needs to relax, however, he breathes out slowly, evenly and closes his eyes to shut everything other than Teru out.]

I... mmn... I didn't think I could feel this way about anyone...

[He murmurs softly, half distracted by the tingling sensation, half distracting himself from the sensation altogether. The latter grows increasingly difficult to do however and breathing out becomes more like sighing in quiet pleasure. Knowing of course,
that his boyfriend's erection is right there makes it all the more like a strange kind of tease.

It would've been unthinkable to say it when they first tried anything like this, but... Light reaches down to brush Teru's arousal.]

...a - a little more...

Ah... O-of course...

[ A second finger is added and the circling becomes more like gentle spreading and pushing forward. Teru distinctly remembers how intrusive and uncomfortable this was for him the first few times it had been done and how later that melted away into being able to enjoy a rather intimate massage... That's what he wants this to feel like for Light as well now.

His pushing forward soon brings his middle finger in the area of Light's prostate (it's so easy to find now after a few times) and he brushes over it more extensively. ]

... when do you think you'll be ready?

[A similar pattern of tension and relaxation plays out as Teru presses into him. There's no denying that although it's not painful, it does feel incredibly invasive before it starts feeling tolerable and then tolerance melts into a cluster of wrong and pleasurable sensations that elicit sharp breaths and softer hums of contentment.

That is, until Teru starts prodding against that, and the sudden pressure socks him into moaning against his boyfriend's neck. There's nothing shameful about how he's reacting technically speaking, but the longer that stimulation goes on, the more he drapes himself on his boyfriend limply, taking ragged breaths.

Te question doesn't even register immediately. Feeling vaguely confused,
Light opens his eyes and flushes when it occurs to him that he's completely forgotten to keep moving his hand and has just spent the last... few seconds just holding his boyfriend's cock in a daze. Rather sheepishly he lets go.]

...oh..

[He swallows and tries to get his breathing back under control.]

Now. I want you now.

[ Teru hasn't noticed Light abandoning his hand movements either, too focused on listening to his boyfriends noises of pleasure and repeating the stroke that made him gasp the most.

But that can't go on forever now and... ah... if he'd ever gotten less hard during this, hearing Light state his desire so bluntly definitely brings all possible blood back into his arousal. ]

... of course. Let me just...

[ He removes his fingers from Light and reaches back for the lube bottle. With shaky hands, he rushes to pour out some more of the liquid so he can coat his condom with it thoroughly. Ah, he hates how sticky it is, but he needs lots because he doesn't want to hurt God... ]

[Light doesn't quite trust himself to say anything, so his response is merely a nod. Teru sliding out of him feels slick and obscene, as does the residual tingling between his legs. He repositions himself to sit squarely on Teru's thighs as the last bit of preparation continues, leaving his heart beating faster anf faster in nervous anticipation.

When Teru is finished applying lubrication to the condom, Light wordlessly holds his boyfriend's erection firmly in his hands to hold it in place and takes a deep breath before positioning himself over the tip. Truthfully, it's the brief moments right before and right after penetration that are the most unbearable. Even though he knows without a doubt that this is what he wants most right now, there's always that part of him that squirms uncomfortably at how much thicker his boyfriend's erection feels.

Stalling partially, Light reaches for his boyfriend's (clea) hand.]

I love you.

[And then very cautiously, he lowers himself down a fraction. Thoroughly lubricated, there's almost no resistance and no pain either, but the feeling of fullness makes him bite down hard on his lower lip in discomfort.]

I- aah-- I love you too.

[ Teru says, grasping Light's hand in return. And then he's also biting his lip, but discomfort is far from the reason. Having only his tip inside is horrible teasing, making his stomach twist in greedy anticipation for what's to come.

His hold on Light's hand grows tighter, but then he finds his presence of mine to brush his thumb over his boyfriend's skin almost comfortingly. It's horrible to feel this discrepancy between his own budding pleasure and Light's discomfort, but Teru knows it won't be long now until they can be united in this again. ]

[Light barely notices Teru's attempts to be soothing through the sickening feeling of gravity slowly sliding him down and stretching him out further. Swallowing hard, he shifts up a little, willing his legs to stop turning to jello. Light breathes in and out shakily several times, grip tightening on his boyfriend's hand.

It's going to be alright, he knows, and feeling just how hard Teru is inside him, how much Teru wants him, is enough to make Light grit his teeth and slowly, gently sink further down. As he does, he shakily moves the hand on Teru's arousal away and gives himself a few strokes to ease some of the tension winding in his body.]

[ It's only when Light himself makes move to do so that Teru realizes with shame there is something he can actively do for Light to make this easier.... of course there is. He had been selfish not to realize it.

Teru lets himself fall backwards slowly so he doesn't need his arms to prop him up anymore and his head is held up by the pillow instead, then he lifts the hand Light isn't grabbing and comes to meet Light's hand on Light's member with it.

Of course, there's some lube stuck there, but they'll just have to deal with that now.

Gently, he joins the stroking movement, wordlessly telling Light that he'll take care of it for him. Teru doesn't want to say it out loud when his breathing is going so heavily and he's sure he'll mess it up.

Light feels so good on top of him and he needs to... not focus on that now. Focus on Light instead. Serve him, pleasure him, worship him. ]

[As Teru's hand joins his, Light breathes out sharply, startled by just how much more sensitive he feels overall. Part of him wants to swat that hand away, feeling hyperaware that there's lube slathered on him from the front and the back but as their hands move in tandem, he shivers instead and digs his knees tighter into Teru's sides.]

Hnn... Teru....

[Releasing his boyfriend's hand, he places his open palm on the mattress for additional support. He ought to lt go of his own cock, but the ida of surrendering control of that sensation is a little unbearable for just now. Experimentally he slowly moves his hips up and back down just a pinch further, timing the movement closely with the motion of his hand.

Fuck is the only clear sentiment in his head as he moves, as pleasure shoots down his spine to numb his discomfort.
Stifling a noise in his throat, he repeats the movement up and down, each time taking a little more of his boyfriend in.]

[ Oh god......

The intensity of penetrating is something Teru has never gotten totally used to... It doesn't feel the same as the intensity of the other position, it's different, it's hard to keep a clear mind through when ahh--

Every bit deeper feels better and the tense anticipation he felt slowly melts into a constant stream of enjoyment. Deeper, deeper... yes....

Almost without his permission, his hips begin falling and raising ever so slightly to meet Light's rhythm from the his end. His eyes risk fluttering shut, but then he forces them to stay open because Light is so beautiful and he can't miss that. Can't miss how Light moves in sync with him, his muscles all moving accordingly, his face so entirely flushed, his lips saying his name.... ]

L-light.... you feel... so good....

[ Cliched words that are obvious without being stated, but he wants to leave not a single bit of doubt. ]

[The full cliche of that sentiment doesn't sink in like it should. In any othe context, it might have made Light raise an eyebrow, laugh a little incredulously - anything to indicate that he's fully aware that these lines belong in bad AVs or bad dramas.

But something about having his boyfriend buried inside him and moving his hips to push further inside of him to stretch more, to pressure --]

...a-ah.....

[....that spot is short circuiting the snark right out of him. For a few moments, he can't move. His hand slides off his own erection as he closes his eyes. While he's not new to this kind of intensity, the feeling that he's going to come without actually climaxing is overwhelming. His lips and his tongue move to say his boyfriend's name, but like a silent prayer no sound actually comes out as he sits all the way down on Teru's hips.

Light pauses in this position, shivering. He doesn't need to look down to know that his arousal is even slicker now with from additional fluid. Instead, he looks down at their bodies, now fully connected, misses a beat because it looks right and feels right, and raises his flushed face to look at his boyfriend with a smile.]

This feels good..... mm.... having a part of you....

[He places his free hand on Teru's stomach gently, spreading his fingers wide.]

I- I can't keep my hand from trembling though... that's ... haa... a little...

[He trails off, not knowing what the right word is and deciding that it's not important either.]

Edited 2017-07-09 06:56 (UTC)

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